Healing the past...

Ashely Foreman, Awakening the Bear

Do you believe that everything happens for your higher good?

When things are going well, this seems absolutely true but when you are currently facing obstacles or have struggled in your past, it is more challenging to believe. It’s just like saying you trust in God or the Universe but then try to control how things unfold.

I just participated in a Shamanic journey to discover my blocks and I have to admit that although I believe I don’t wallow in the past, it still has a hold on some aspects of my life. I find that I am really good at being positive in the present moment but what my meditation pointed out to me was that I need to acknowledge my true feelings about the past especially the anger and the hurt. In my day to day, I feel pretty fantastic and if I happen to have a moment and digress, I use my principles to bring me back to the moment. The concern is that I have not yet healed the parts of me that experienced trauma, rejection and abandonment.

What I was guided to do was to write my story…the painful parts and then release each one. I tend to see things from the perspective of the other person, tell myself that it’s over now and reflect on how my experiences, the good and the bad, have made me into the person I am today. That’s great but…there are still those parts of me that are almost frozen because I have not yet released the anger and pain associated with those moments in my life.

The past acts as an anchor until you release and let go of negative beliefs and memories about it. I describe to people that in order to really heal, you need to revisit those moments and send love and acknowledgement to that part of yourself. Even when you think you have healed or you aren’t consumed by the feelings anymore, you never know when one of the memory tendrils will weave its way around you and tighten its grip, forcing you to look at the experience again and do some further work.
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I’ve wanted to write a memoir for as long as I can remember but every time I write, I get stuck on how to describe the painful parts of my truth. It was revealed, in my meditation, that it is not yet time for me to share those parts with others. For now, all I need to do is write for me….for my eyes only. I have no idea how long it will take but I believe that once I do this and then let it go, in a special way like a burning, I will be free. That freedom might not be forever but I think it will have a significant impact and will allow me to get out of my way when it comes to my success.

During the meditation, an animal came to me as a guide. It was raccoon and the message he left me with was to not only remove my mask but to uncover my eyes. Raccoon represents many things but what resonated most to me was that it is a symbol of transformation. Raccoon’s mask is a mark of their secrecy and in a way, buoys their courage as they take risks to get what they want. The problem is that I may be using a mask to hide from people and problems, decisions and consequences or maybe I am hiding myself from truly being seen so that I can avoid judgement and once again potentially be viewed as not good enough. I also hide my eyes from seeing the amazing possibilities in store for me.

My conscious self can lift my spirits when I am down and remind myself how awesome I am, how far I have come and that my potential is limitless. The subconscious me…the one that is never really acknowledged still fears rejection. I think we all have this within us to an extent but some of us, have specific instances that we need to take a look at with a loving, omnipotent eye so that we can see outside of ourselves and begin the healing process.
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I am ready to remove my mask, at least to myself. I will begin to write my story…the parts that I need to embrace and then I will burn them and release the pain so that I can then, one day, write the story of my journey to self-awareness that will be shared freely, without hesitation and with no worries as to who might read it or what their opinion may be.