Do you know that poem, that Samuel L Jackson reads? If you aren't familiar with it, you should check it out. It is exactly how I felt last night and I have to tell you what ended up happening early this morning, at the crack of dawn!
Lucy is still nursing and at times, it is exhausting especially when it seems like she is using me as a soother in the middle of the night. That's what it seemed like last night and around 5 am, I had enough!
I told her that there was no more milk and she lost her mind. She cried for at least a half hour but I refused to give in. My husband had woken up and didn't know what to do since usually I just nurse her when she's upset.
The screaming went on and all I wanted was for her to be quiet and go to sleep so that I could go to sleep too. She didn't want to come to me or her dad so I just lay there with my eyes closed trying to ignore her.
A voice came into my head and told me that I should send her some loving energy from my heart. I was like, I am too damn tired to do that. I could seriously see a small little light from my heart centre and then it fizzled out.
My inner voice told me to try again so I did. I took a deep breath, visualized that light in my heart, and imagined it growing bigger. It was golden and green with pink mixed in. I sent it out toward Lucy and instantly, she stopped crying, came to me and put her head on my chest. I couldn't believe it! I quietly told my husband what I had done and in that instant she started crying again and pulled away from me.
I focused again and she came right back, quietly lying her head on me. I told my husband that he should go downstairs and he was gone in a blink. I can't blame him. LOL.
In my mind, I told her that I needed to go to sleep and could she lie beside me. She did! No word of a lie! She moved herself off of me, lay on her back with her one arm still resting on me. I lay there contemplating my next move. In my head, I told her that I needed to get more comfortable so I was going to move a little. She didn't budge.
I slid down and got comfy on my pillow, her breathing had deepened which indicated to me that she was now sound asleep. WTF?!? I tried to go to sleep but I couldn't. I couldn't believe what had happened. Finally, thankfully, I dozed off and she slept until 8:20 this morning.
I asked my husband about it over a cup of coffee...we both needed it. I asked him if her had witnessed what I thought had happened and he agreed that it was exactly as I am telling you right now.
I don't know if it will work again but it is worth believing it can. I just hope it is not tonight. March break is over and I need a good nights sleep.
When I experience something that makes me think, allows me to learn or provides an opportunity for growth, I'd like to share it with you.